She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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