Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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