was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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