We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
