i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize