God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
love makes seman taste better
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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