I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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