My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
