YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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