I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
