I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
