there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize