we made out on top of his cat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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