I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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