I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
