My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
