she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
