paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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