Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
