Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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