Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
