I want to have your abortion
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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