dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
