Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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