You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize