I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
