you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
