Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
