So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
