Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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