she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
