She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
