dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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