she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
