are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
