So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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