They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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