I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
