How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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