Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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