I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
