Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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