My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
