A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize