I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
