when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
