I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
