so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
