So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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