he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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