google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
