Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
