I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
