I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
