if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
