also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
