I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
