chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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