Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
