tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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