even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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