Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's never too late to be topless.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
