You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
