We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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