Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
