Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
