So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
