She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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