I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
