I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
