Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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