the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
