3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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