I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
