I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
