We won't sleep together?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
